If i suddenly went blind

Looking back at the past years...I have been thru change. Music is the only consistent thing that will every stay in my life, even when those I believe are closest to me fade away....A lot has happened in the last two or so years. Starting on a rainy day for me. Sometimes I wonder why, I'm so full of these endless rhymes about the way I feel inside, I wish sometimes. It always seems that just when I turn around another old memory hits me, it's never been my sole intention to bring peoples moods down with me it just sort of happens. Shit happens. I'm not exactly sure the last time I was happy. I know it's fun to pretend. Now blank stares and empty threats are all I have. All I do is fall down and I haven't gotten back up once. My whole world has gone up into flames, no bridge has survived except one, at least I think...I've tried and tried to tear this one down but it just wont go away. It's like the ever'hovering cloud that just follows me around. It's come to be like my shadow. I've done plenty of things to try and forget...and the things I've done. I've spoken mean words. Horrible things....thought worse things..The things we do just to keep ourselves alive. And for what? Nobody really ever knows what somebody is going thru. Everyone is different. Every situation unique. This is never what I wanted. But it's fun...to pretend. Empty threats are all I have. I cant escape if I wanted to. Now, I don't think of myself as trapped. Just...stubborn. I don't want to let go. Ohh, and I can be stubborn as hell when I care deeply about something. I don't believe myself to be selfish...The stars are aligned, But they don't align for us. I always watch the them..The stars are already dead they just don't know it yet. Just something about looking at death on that degree makes you feel closer. I haven't figured out what this "closer" is to...I often wonder how I end up this way; a constant knot in my gut, tied with uncertainty and loneliness. Sometimes I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs where I will pretend the echoes belong to someone. Someone I used to know. Someone I used to be. I want to remember a time when I knew how safe it felt to be safe, or what it feels like to know what it's like to be loved...I thought I knew once but I was wrong. I'm often misunderstood...maybe just a second chance. Just a tiny one. I don't ask for much, I expect nothing in return...I'm just hoping...that what I have been offered will be one of the things that pulls through. I've been let down so many times...and I don't know what I've done to get myself here. All I can ever do and will do is to open my heart and love those the way they are, because I'm not perfect either. Nothing close.

The stars are aligned,

But they don't align for us

Excuse me for I am the ocean

And I will starve for you

Will You Know How To Stay Brave?

Such Fragile moments we share

You Are My Everything

And Even With Nothing To Say

Geminis, K.