I was just living in the moment, and the moment was all about you

What I wanted? I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say there was no one else for you to ever be with and that you would rather be alone than without me. Sometimes what your looking for is what you left behind. But I can't do this anymore. I feel strickened by a severe illness of the body and mind. I have an overwhelming urge to give up and run away. With no goodbyes, no explanations, no justified reason. I just want to get up and run like hell. Until my feet break beneath me and my heart stops beating. Leaving nothing but my name behind. But I won't because that means you've won and I decide who wins when it involves my life, and it sure as hell won't be you. I deserve more. Because sometimes there is no easy way out. You just have to grin and bear it. Sometimes the only escape route is to go straight through the flames, just brace yourself and bite your lip. Sometimes you have to sever the ties clean off. Because in every relationship,there comes a point when the damage is too much and no matter how good it once was, the memories can't sustain you. You have to save yourself knowing all the while it will hurt like hell. Because you can't keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return. There come times in your life when you're all mixed up and your mind doesn't know what to do. This is when you have to leave it up to your heart to decide. The tough thing about following your heart is that people forget to mention that sometimes the heart takes you to places you shouldn't be. Places that are scary as they are exciting, and as dangerous as they are alluring. Sometimes your heart cannot take you to places that lead to happy endings. That's not even the difficult part; the difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave normal.. you go into the unknown and once you do, you can never go back. One of the hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters. In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it. There are certain things in life that are better left unknown. Things you wish you never asked, Never heard, and sometimes never felt. But the struggles make you stronger, the changes make you wise, and the happiness has its own way of taking its sweet time. Say goodnight and go. Walk away from your past. You don't need it anymore. She tries to stay away from him, but it's so hard knowing that it doesn't make a difference whether she's right in his face or a thousand miles away. All she is to him is a memory. I guess what I thought is that leaving something behind would erase it from my memory forever, but it doesn't. If something touched you that deeply, it never goes away. Along the way I’ve learned that you can’t let anyone in too far and you can’t trust endlessly. The biggest mistake you can make is to care or love someone more than yourself, because then you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. Boundaries are necessary so that you can protect yourself, because once you’re broken, you’ll never be fully fixed. When your throat starts to burn,
 and your heartbeat speeds up,
when your stomach tightens,
and your lungs close up,
when your tears rush to your eyes 
faster than you ever dreamed possible,
that's the worst pain you will ever feel.
 That's your heart breaking. But..don't be so quick to judge me, you only see what I choose to show. The hardest boy to get over is the one you never had. I gave up searching for him. Now he’s going to have to find me because I know that I deserve better. Be loved but never love. Attach but never combine. Trip but never fall. To be broken is better than shattered. Tell him of your strength but never of your past. Be trustworthy but never trust. Be cracked but never open. Ha..people like me don't have best friends. You can't trust me, and I won't let you. I won't get close to you because I'm afraid of losing you. I'll protect you from me and protect me from myself by avoiding confrontation, which will lead us to a falling out, inevitably. I will keep my secrets from you and tell your secrets to people you hate in order to push you away. I'll do anything to keep myself from getting attached to you because I've been there before and I don't want to go back to being dependent on anyone. In the months afterward, I fled whenever somebody began to understand me. That has subsided. but one thing remained: I don't want anybody to understand me completely. I want to go through life unknown. The blindness of others is my safety and my freedom. ...It wasn’t only that you didn’t see him anymore, meet him anymore, you saw his absence and encountered it as something tangible. His not being there was like the sharply outlined emptiness of a photo with a figure cut out precisely with scissors and now the missing figure is more important, more dominant than all the others. I was just living in the moment, 
and the moment was all about you. So there she goes again, listening to her ipod, trying to forget everything.

"Fuck the tame animal restricted to the cage with predictable actions, that define your "rage". I'm the motherfucking lion roaring in your face tearing down those limits that keep you placed"