Had a cup of tea, thought earl grey rocks
All of this leads me here to say
I'm not cool enough in the cool way.
Coast guard, be kind
You were first in your class so you thought you had passed
But the truth is the wind filling up your masts
Is just hot air and emergency flares
So don't be surprised if your shipmates don't care
Pirate, pay up
You're the only one-legged man I know
To whom else would I sell these wooden toes
But your parrot goes mute at the offer of substitute
Sailor, lean back
You came off the ship looking way too hip
In your tight white pants and your navy blue bibs
Into your arms you took the first girl you eyed
She melted as Dad welled with pride
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