Friday, September 14, 2012

like JD Salinger...


Are you frightened by the weight you possess or- is this life just weightlessness? Smoggy twilight in LA, I can't think of one real thing to say. And Robbie Williams is walking in the canyons, forgets that we were friends. I guess it all depends on your mood. Why can't these meds be any damn good? Why can't you be like when I was thirteen? Why can't you be like a art house foreign movie, frank and sexy, red balloons, and ennui? And aloof to me and, why can't you be a little more of a mystery? Why can't you be the part of me that's missing? Instead of leaving me for some other, said we're perfect for each other, and I know we won't go spend our lives alone. Why can't you be like an outsourced government contract? I'm a fat cat getting away with anything. Kicking some secret special powers, illumination rounds in showers. Cause you're tearing your hair out. Well we can have better flowers. Why can't you be like the guys out on the road? Some guys are happy just to see me. Cause you've got moxie and a broken nose. Take them away from this prose. Sometimes foreplays not enough. Why can’t you play-a little less rough? Why can't you be the part of me that's missing? Instead of leaving me for some other, said we're perfect for each other, and I know we won't go spend our lives alone. Can we, just leave it be? And we can live, our lives, separately? Could you forget-what happens to you-you and me? When we're dead-and we'll be dead-we'll have eternity. And I will spend it all- missing you-seeing you with me. So all of a life....I will always be. Why can't you be looking a little deeper into me? Like JD Salinger. Why do i challenge him, in all these surface ways that you displease? Why can't you be a little more at ease? Why can't you be like a hand rolled cigarette? I'm not joking- This masochistic self pity of smoking and this silly ditty... I keep provoking you to leave me... Why can't you be, like a candle I can snuff? You're still a diamond in the rough- and I swear to God- I've had enough. How can I, Call your bluff?

And life is short and dull categorize to the full, until the charm is gone. And your a big boy, if you wanna get it on..you will. And if you don't, you won't. You could have such a life, with me. I could knit baby sweaters, we could watch the flatscreen t.v. You know I love you but I feel so one in ten. Love doesn't come in perfect packages, that means I qualify..and I know it’s not your way but I thought we could give it a try. But you lost your faith in me.

Everything's changing now...all these winter stars still flying. Cassiopeia...everythings changing now. Through the backs of broke windows, so I can finally breathe and release into one thousand pieces, I have broke into over you. Maybe we could live like kings....we could take a risk. We could live in doubt. Maybe you and I are cursed. Maybe you and I are one...That’s the universe around, around.

It’s what you always wanted.

All I want right now is the time where we slept on the floor. You said "right here right now is all we're living for". I got the velocity and all i need now is the mass. Can you take me into days I never knew? Maybe now, just maybe now we can bridge the distance.

If only you knew, how empty I feel. But maybe then your lonely too and its tearing through you like a punctured wound..Maybe no one knows what to do. When we know we're alone in a temporary home. Maybe we'll realize that’s a blessing in disguise? I spent the last three years setting myself on fire for you. I spend the last three years never knowing if what you say is true. And it'll be this way till one of us dies. Is that a blessing in disguise? Well I confess that so far happiness eludes me in my life. You better hurry up if it’s ever to be mine. Better hurry up...if we're ever gonna find what we're living for. If it’s not you, anymore...I'll learn....

To tell you babe, it’s you and only you and no one else. And I'll mean it even when I'm talking to myself. Now I'm stuck in a poem, and then I'm walking by myself. In the dark..and all alone. Maybe I'm like my father? Strung out on something or another held to a standard....we were always sinking under...and maybe I'm like my mother? She shattered cause no one loved her...Maybe I..maybe I'm like no other? And some moments are more real than the books I've read. And a good man, maybe he meant what he said, cause to feel ya know..it goes straight to my head. And everything changed in a day...and I know another one is on the way.

I never loved blues till Stevie Ray Vaughn. I never felt you till you were gone. And all of my shadows grow taller than trees. And all of my good mean nothing to me. Don’t let go, never say "I told you so". If there was a word, what I did to myself and all the longing but nothing else, if there was a word for longing and peace..until you give me some release. You can't say we didn't give it all the way. You can't say we did the limit...every single night. To claim to understand you...it's gonna take a long time..

You know I love you and you'll always be my one in ten. But why can’t you be the part of me that’s missing? Instead of leaving me for another? Why can’t you be thinking a little deeper into me..like JD Salinger …? Why can’t you be a little more at ease? Could you forget what happens to you- to you and me? Why can’t you be like a candle I can snuff…your still a diamond in the rough. And I swear to God, I’ve had enough.


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