Het Handboek! Part 3

The Manual.

                                                                 Il Manuale.

El manuelo.

Das Handbuch.

                     O Manual.

                       Le Manuel.

2011. 2nd Edition Part 3

------------------------------------------If Found Please Return To M.D or Ashley Nikole----------------------------------

So, a little note about this.Just in case it confuses people and you're too goddamn lazy to read Het Handboek part 1 or part 2. So some history you probably SHOULD have read if you creeped the first Het Handboek: This was supposed to be the 2nd edition (obviously lol) of the first Manuel. On surviving like, everything. Like life. Zombies.... and yeah everything random under the sun I thought was relative at the time. It's a very cute (jk totally MANLY) small black MOLESKINE journal thing.  It was something to hopefully make a great guys day in case it was shitty (Afghanistan or if he was just bored as fuck), or to remind him how retarded I am. (duh, Mission Accomplished)...Anyways...if I never get the 1st Edition back I totally understand. It was TOOO EPICCCC for words! But yeah, I totally understand if he "forgets" to put it in the box if in fact...he sends the box. But whatever, anyways this is what the 2nd Edition contains:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope you're ready for Part 3....even if you aren't, its happening anyways.

-----------------------------------------------------64

20 wings at
publix is wayyy
cheaper than 8 wings.
(a pound) 

-----------------------------------------------------65


Family Budget:

Another child:
$250,000

Vasectomy:
FREE

Good lord, the signs in Florida are 
WACK.

-----------------------------------------------------66

Are the highways in 
Afghanistan "air 
patrolled"?

And what the
FUCK does that
even mean?!

-----------------------------------------------------67

HIGHWAY FUN:

*WHILE NOT RECOMMENDED
throw chicken wings 
at cones and/or new asphalt...
and some road workers.

-----------------------------------------------------68

Any motels with 

a CITRUS fruit name....

   AVOID!

-----------------------------------------------------69

Hey! Its page 69.

-----------------------------------------------------70

When lost...if you find 

a cactus and are thirsty, do NOT drink

the "water" from it. I saw what 

happens when Sokka from Last Airbender 

(CARTOON OF COURSE) drank it...he went

momentarily CRAZY.

-----------------------------------------------------71

You can do the 

same things in a

golf cart as you 

can in a jeep/4wheeler.

Trust me!

-----------------------------------------------------72

                           Feb. 6, 2011

Mike got a 100% on 

a hooaher test this

day. 

-----------------------------------------------------73

When traveling with me,

always remember to keep me clean.

These are my only pair of jeans.

The other pair was left on

our bed. LOL

-----------------------------------------------------74

You are allowed to write

in "Dos".

Along with Manual #1

**side note: the 2nd Edition is also called

Dos. As in 2.

-----------------------------------------------------75

One of your birthdays will

be celebrated at

Golden Gait Stables.

16668 Winners Circle

Barn 18

Delray Beach, FL 33446

561-376,5352

no idea why I put a comma there.

***side note: I actually put a comma there. Of course

I proceeded to point it out.

-----------------------------------------------------76

Using compasses, improvised techniques

and common sense, one can 

navigate successfully without

the aid of high costly technology.

-----------------------------------------------------77

The first Manual 

smells good.

                                                   :)

-----------------------------------------------------78

If you are bored 

while driving make

funny faces to the people

in cars around you.

-----------------------------------------------------79

When you eat a burger

you are eating more

than ONE COW.

-----------------------------------------------------80

Did you know

a babys heart is

beating 18 days

after conception?

(this is where I drew the heartbeat)

Thank you Florida bilboard.

For creeping me out AGAIN.

-----------------------------------------------------81

The gold in the 

pocket can be sold

to little kids 

in Afghanistan for

cool shit.

Uh, maybe. LOL

**side note: the MOLESKINE journal has a built in pocket

in the back that I put cool shit in. I think the first

one had 2 Peccary hairs. One of the animals in the zoo

I work at. This one has gold leaf in it, and a Golden Gait Stables

card.

-----------------------------------------------------82

The End.

So, there probably won't be a 3rd Edition. I have no reason

to make him any more Editions... BUT if you have a loved one/friend/boyfriend in the military its a cute 

idea to make one. It might make

someones day a little better...

which I had hoped to do. 

Oh well.

Bye.

Het Handboek! Part 2

The Manual.

                                                                 Il Manuale.

El manuelo.

Das Handbuch.

                     O Manual.

                       Le Manuel.

2011. 2nd Edition Part 2

--------------------------------------------------If Found Please Return To M.D or Ashley Nikole-------------------------------------

So, a little note about this.Just in case it confuses people and you're too goddamn lazy to read Het Handboek part 1. So some history you probably SHOULD have read if you creeped the first Het Handboek: This was supposed to be the 2nd edition (obviously lol) of the first Manuel. On surviving like, everything. Like life. Zombies.... and yeah everything random under the sun I thought was relative at the time. It's a very cute (jk totally MANLY) small black MOLESKINE journal thing.  It was something to hopefully make a great guys day in case it was shitty (Afghanistan or if he was just bored as fuck), or to remind him how retarded I am. (duh, Mission Accomplished)...Anyways...if I never get the 1st Edition back I totally understand. It was TOOO EPICCCC for words! But yeah, I totally understand if he "forgets" to put it in the box if in fact...he sends the box. But whatever, anyways this is what the 2nd Edition contains:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is Part 2, as always...ENJOY!! 

-----------------------------------------------------21

Zombie 

COMBAT

MANUAL For

WARRIORS

***Side Note: this was boxed in. Too hard to do on the computer.

-----------------------------------------------------22


10 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack:

1. Organize before they rise.

2. They feel no fear, why should you?

3. Use your head: cut off theirs.

4. Blades don't need reloading.

5. Ideal protection= tight clothes, short hair.

6. Get up staircases. Then destroy them.

7. Get out of the car, get on the bike.

8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert. Keep it the fuck down.

9. No place is safe, only safer.

10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

***side note: then at the end I wrote Zombies in shaky, bleeding red letter style. It was pretty badass.

-----------------------------------------------------23

Now for

THE RULES:

-----------------------------------------------------24

#1

Cardio

-----------------------------------------------------25

#2

The Double Tap

-----------------------------------------------------26

#3

Beware of bathrooms

-----------------------------------------------------27

#4

Seatbelts

-----------------------------------------------------28

#5

Shoot first

-----------------------------------------------------29

#6

Even though you are colorblind, 

I'll still save ya

-----------------------------------------------------30

#7

Incoming!

-----------------------------------------------------31

#8

Break it up

-----------------------------------------------------32

#9

...with your bare hands

-----------------------------------------------------33

#10 

Don't swing low

-----------------------------------------------------34

#11

Use your feet

-----------------------------------------------------35

#12

Travel light

-----------------------------------------------------36

#13

Get a kickass partner

ya one man kinda woman

***side note: only one person would get this haha. It was a pretty epic phone convo.

-----------------------------------------------------37

#14

Avoid strip clubs

-----------------------------------------------------38

#15

When in doubt, know your way out.

-----------------------------------------------------39

#16

Check the backseat

-----------------------------------------------------40

#17 

Enjoy the little things.

I am a little thing.

-----------------------------------------------------41

#18 

Double knot your shoelaces

-----------------------------------------------------42

#19

Always carry a weapon

-----------------------------------------------------43

#20 

Learn the gun shops

& police stations...thats

where the guns are.

That wooden baseball bat

wont last forever.

-----------------------------------------------------44

#21

Learn to drive...if you 

dont already - go along 

with #4

-----------------------------------------------------45

#22

Use your thumbs

ya monkey!

-----------------------------------------------------46

#23

Bounty paper (squiggles)

towels.

**side note: where it says squiggles I spazzed out and crossed out paper towels. Drew a line from squiggle to the bottom of the page and said TYPO. lol

-----------------------------------------------------47

#24

A little sarcasm never

hurt anybody

-----------------------------------------------------48

#25

Pack your stain stick

-----------------------------------------------------49

#26

Swiss army knife

-----------------------------------------------------50

#27

Its a marathon, not

a sprint. Unless its 

a sprint, then sprint.

-----------------------------------------------------51

#28

The "skillet"

***side note: Don't actually know what the "skillet" is..but if your survival depends on it..I hope it saves you. Whatever "it" is.

-----------------------------------------------------52

#29

Shake it off

-----------------------------------------------------53

#30

Have a kickass nickname.

Sexy isn't a kickass nickname btw.

-----------------------------------------------------54

#31

When this shit goes down

don't trust in the military.

The military would go bat shit crazy nuts

with all the power.

-----------------------------------------------------55

#32

Don't go to the 

grocery store and

shit...

Yeah, that flatscreen looks

pretty sweet.....

til' the zombie smashes

your head through it.

-----------------------------------------------------56

#33

Listen to the little kids.

When things are getting

weird and the little kid

says they saw something?

The kid saw something.

-----------------------------------------------------57

#34

If you know how to sew,

make A LOT of 

cargo pockets.

***Side note: then I proceeded to draw a needle and thread. Give me a break! So what it didn't look "PERFECT" haha.

-----------------------------------------------------58

#35

Remember, if this 

were to happen, EVER,

this will not be a walk

in the park.. unless 

you have part of the 

Bloods or Crips in your

family...or..you just

like shootin.

-----------------------------------------------------59

#36

Race doesn't matter.

When was the last time

you saw a zombie pick

a black guy over a white

guy?

-----------------------------------------------------60

Disco Curtis sings a song 

called

Ashley.

Escape the Fate 

also has a song

called Ashley.

-----------------------------------------------------61

Injured?

-----------------------------------------------------62

"Falling in Love in a Coffee Shop"

is a fantastic song.

Its by Landon 

        Pigg

-----------------------------------------------------63

Get a GANGSTA

emblem.

**side note: This is where I drew the Wu Tang sign. C'mon...old school. I'm a boss.

-----------------------------------------------------

Anyways, thats all for tonight. Like I said before, if YOU are reading this...may it make you smile. Or smirk. Or do that sexy smolder look.

If you guys are on xbox. Add me :)

A5H Cheekz

Jesse with an E

Jesse with an E....are you creeping me yet?

Before I start Het Handboek part 2;

So before I start Het Handboek part 2 I would just like to thank everyone for finding me interesting enough to read these posts. I mean really! I haven't been on in months....uploaded anything...said anything fantastically witty..ahhh!! So I just started posting stuff again and I'm getting hits out the ass... :) Totally haven't told anyone I started posting again. Hope I continue to meet your standards lol (how could I not...I mean shit...)











I would just like to say I love you whoever you are who still reads this shit.

Besos

Het Handboek!

The Manual.

                                                                 Il Manuale.

El manuelo.

Das Handbuch.

                     O Manual.

                       Le Manuel.

2011. 2nd Edition

--------------------------------------------------If Found Please Return To M.D or Ashley Nikole-------------------------------------

So, a little note about this.Just in case it confuses people. This was supposed to be the 2nd edition (obviously lol) of the first Manuel. On surviving like, everything. Like life. Zombies.... and yeah everything random under the sun I thought was relative at the time. It's a very cute (jk totally MANLY) small black MOLESKINE journal thing.  It was something to hopefully make a great guys day in case it was shitty (Afghanistan or if he was just bored as fuck), or to remind him how retarded I am. (duh, Mission Accomplished)...Anyways...if I never get the 1st Edition back I totally understand. It was TOOO EPICCCC for words! But yeah, I totally understand if he "forgets" to put it in the box if in fact...he sends the box. But whatever, anyways this is what the 2nd Edition contains:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It begins or starts...or whatever Mufasa said...or was it Rafiki? 
And did I spell Mufasa right? Oh well...haha

-----------------------------------------------------1

Do not wear Sensual Amber around

the caracal. He will turn into

one of those guys in the 

shower.

-----------------------------------------------------2

I cant actually say what this page said.

 It would make an Ex-Roomie mad if 

she reads this haha.Sorry folks.

-----------------------------------------------------3

When a man gives you 

gum (the packs) everyday,

MAKE SURE HE ISNT COURTING YOU. 

In your case cigarettes.

-----------------------------------------------------4

When yelling racist things 

on your porch at night,

make sure the front door

is bolted shut.

-----------------------------------------------------5

When in doubt, 

snoop a room....

or smack a

 bitch.

-----------------------------------------------------6

When taking photographs at night

be aware of random people

coming up to you for change.

-----------------------------------------------------7

When calling Andrew,

expect him 2 hours later.

2-3 usually, or NEVER.

-----------------------------------------------------8

If you find Hulk

in your fridge, be

advised that it might

just be raw chicken...

-----------------------------------------------------9

If somebody leaves food

in your apt. dont

worry, I love free food

too.

-----------------------------------------------------10

The male peafowl (peacock)

has a very fluffy ass.

...and they are 

really easy

to sneak up on.

-----------------------------------------------------11

Birds can beatbox

too.

(I drew little birds everywhere)

-----------------------------------------------------12

When surrounded by people

dont scream "squirrel".

-----------------------------------------------------13

Do not watch the 

movie Human Centipede.

-----------------------------------------------------14

You are not a cop when:

A. You work at Santa Fe College

B. You drive a golf cart

C. You DONT have a gun.

-----------------------------------------------------15

Remember, the trunk

of your car does

not doouble as a baby changing

table.

**Side note: so when I was writing this one...double ended up looking like DOOBLE

so I ended up drawing a line from DOOBLE to the bottom of the page

stating that it did in fact say DOUBLE.

-----------------------------------------------------16

Icy Hot spray fixes 

EVERYTHING.

If also makes a

great weapon

when sprayed

in the eyes.

-----------------------------------------------------17

If you have a pussy horn

dont honk it.

-----------------------------------------------------18

If you feel sleepy and

your eyes are dry, lick

your fingers and rub 

your eyes.

Trust me, it works.

-----------------------------------------------------19

Proventriculus -> Glandular

part of the stomach that

stores and starts to digest

food before it enters the 

gizzard.

Fuck Birds.

**another side note: this was before I liked birds.

-----------------------------------------------------20

The human head weighs 

about 8 lbs.

-----------------------------------------------------21

Zombie 

COMBAT

MANUAL For

WARRIORS

***Side Note: this was boxed in. Too hard to do on the computer.

-----------------------------------------------------22

I will continue

more tomorrow.

Night world. And if you (MD) happen to read this...I hope it makes you smile, or something.

like JD Salinger...

Are you frightened by the weight you possess or- is this life just weightlessness? Smoggy twilight in LA, I can't think of one real thing to say. And Robbie Williams is walking in the canyons, forgets that we were friends. I guess it all depends on your mood. Why can't these meds be any damn good? Why can't you be like when I was thirteen? Why can't you be like a art house foreign movie, frank and sexy, red balloons, and ennui? And aloof to me and, why can't you be a little more of a mystery? Why can't you be the part of me that's missing? Instead of leaving me for some other, said we're perfect for each other, and I know we won't go spend our lives alone. Why can't you be like an outsourced government contract? I'm a fat cat getting away with anything. Kicking some secret special powers, illumination rounds in showers. Cause you're tearing your hair out. Well we can have better flowers. Why can't you be like the guys out on the road? Some guys are happy just to see me. Cause you've got moxie and a broken nose. Take them away from this prose. Sometimes foreplays not enough. Why can’t you play-a little less rough? Why can't you be the part of me that's missing? Instead of leaving me for some other, said we're perfect for each other, and I know we won't go spend our lives alone. Can we, just leave it be? And we can live, our lives, separately? Could you forget-what happens to you-you and me? When we're dead-and we'll be dead-we'll have eternity. And I will spend it all- missing you-seeing you with me. So all of a life....I will always be. Why can't you be looking a little deeper into me? Like JD Salinger. Why do i challenge him, in all these surface ways that you displease? Why can't you be a little more at ease? Why can't you be like a hand rolled cigarette? I'm not joking- This masochistic self pity of smoking and this silly ditty... I keep provoking you to leave me... Why can't you be, like a candle I can snuff? You're still a diamond in the rough- and I swear to God- I've had enough. How can I, Call your bluff?

And life is short and dull categorize to the full, until the charm is gone. And your a big boy, if you wanna get it on..you will. And if you don't, you won't. You could have such a life, with me. I could knit baby sweaters, we could watch the flatscreen t.v. You know I love you but I feel so one in ten. Love doesn't come in perfect packages, that means I qualify..and I know it’s not your way but I thought we could give it a try. But you lost your faith in me.

Everything's changing now...all these winter stars still flying. Cassiopeia...everythings changing now. Through the backs of broke windows, so I can finally breathe and release into one thousand pieces, I have broke into over you. Maybe we could live like kings....we could take a risk. We could live in doubt. Maybe you and I are cursed. Maybe you and I are one...That’s the universe around, around.

It’s what you always wanted.

All I want right now is the time where we slept on the floor. You said "right here right now is all we're living for". I got the velocity and all i need now is the mass. Can you take me into days I never knew? Maybe now, just maybe now we can bridge the distance.

If only you knew, how empty I feel. But maybe then your lonely too and its tearing through you like a punctured wound..Maybe no one knows what to do. When we know we're alone in a temporary home. Maybe we'll realize that’s a blessing in disguise? I spent the last three years setting myself on fire for you. I spend the last three years never knowing if what you say is true. And it'll be this way till one of us dies. Is that a blessing in disguise? Well I confess that so far happiness eludes me in my life. You better hurry up if it’s ever to be mine. Better hurry up...if we're ever gonna find what we're living for. If it’s not you, anymore...I'll learn....

To tell you babe, it’s you and only you and no one else. And I'll mean it even when I'm talking to myself. Now I'm stuck in a poem, and then I'm walking by myself. In the dark..and all alone. Maybe I'm like my father? Strung out on something or another held to a standard....we were always sinking under...and maybe I'm like my mother? She shattered cause no one loved her...Maybe I..maybe I'm like no other? And some moments are more real than the books I've read. And a good man, maybe he meant what he said, cause to feel ya know..it goes straight to my head. And everything changed in a day...and I know another one is on the way.

I never loved blues till Stevie Ray Vaughn. I never felt you till you were gone. And all of my shadows grow taller than trees. And all of my good mean nothing to me. Don’t let go, never say "I told you so". If there was a word, what I did to myself and all the longing but nothing else, if there was a word for longing and peace..until you give me some release. You can't say we didn't give it all the way. You can't say we did the limit...every single night. To claim to understand you...it's gonna take a long time..

You know I love you and you'll always be my one in ten. But why can’t you be the part of me that’s missing? Instead of leaving me for another? Why can’t you be thinking a little deeper into me..like JD Salinger …? Why can’t you be a little more at ease? Could you forget what happens to you- to you and me? Why can’t you be like a candle I can snuff…your still a diamond in the rough. And I swear to God, I’ve had enough.

you cant take your eyes off me;

if looks could kill you'd be a murderer
they say hindsights 20/20
but your eyes are always stunning
it's a tragedy, im a casualty
cause you fell in love with me

Cheyenne

Saw Fairfax yesterday
Hung out with New York
Still got Cheyenne on my mind
Tried thinking of Dallas
Pictured me with Miami
Ran around with Reno
Please don't break my heart Cheyenne
Went to a bar with Phoenix and Baltimore hit the club later
There's gotta be a reason why I can't get you out of my mind, I don't wanna see no more...you walked away
I don't wanna wait for you Cheyenne
Is it this way to Amarillo?
Saw Chicago, thought we could change the world
Cheyenne....I miss you

In my head

You put me on the spot, like I know what to say
Words are spinning in my head

Like a newly poured foundation;

i’m terrified.
of getting older, and losing the memories that got me here.
of spending more time talking about what was, than about what will be.
of seeing my hope become regret, and realizing that the worst days behind me are still my best days.
of always having that pull in my stomach when i think of certain places, see certain people, or remember certain things.
of seeing more people that i love, people even closer to me disappoint me....
of watching as time and life take their toll on my corner of the universe.
of finishing my time on earth alone.
it hurts, this terror, it pulls at my skin and makes my hair stand on end.

it distracts me during mundane tasks, popping up like a horrible jack-in-the-box.
it keeps me awake at night, experiencing every tragedy that could ever occur, all at once, over and over, til my restless thoughts become my paralyzing nightmares.

it forces distance between the world and me.
it keeps me from getting close, to mitigate the pain of loss.
it magnifies issues of abandonment that are clown-like in their own grotesque crying-inside-but-laughing-outside way.
it makes me hard, coarse, gravelly, cold. like a newly poured foundation – appearing for all the world to be ready for greatness, but for the hairline cracks that will widen with time and force, until they can no longer bear the brunt of the weight laid atop them.
it is this sensation of despair that drives me. i awake each day with the singular purpose of outwitting gravity, of feeling lighter than my cosmic mass should rightly allow, of pushing off the heaviness for one more day, twenty-four more hours that this crushing empathy for existence cannot destroy my soul.
it is beauty from pain.
connection borne of isolation.
and out of despair…
hope.

On the left side;

Love is not the absence of logic
but logic examined and recalculated
heated and curved to fit
inside the contours of the heart

If my body was on fire; I'd still catch a grenade for you

You know I'd do anything for you
But you won't do the same
Black, black, black and blue
Beat me 'til I'm numb
Tell the devil I said "Hey" when you get back to where you're from
Yeah, you smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
To give me all your love
Is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand is
I'd catch a grenade for you
Throw my hand on the blade for you
I'd jump in front of a train for you
You know I'd do anything for you
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
But you won't do the same
If my body was on fire
You would watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
Cause you never ever ever did, baby
But, darling, I'd still catch a grenade for you

I wish sometimes....

"if I was a simple man would we still walk hand in hand? If I suddenly went blind, would you still look in my eyes.....Will your heart still race for me? Will it march to a new beat..
I'd own no home I'd own no land would you still stand by my side and would our flame still burn as bright? Sometimes... I wonder why I'm so full of these endless rhymes about the the way I feel inside...I wish that I could just get it right.....if I could make you understand there'd be no reason to think twice you'd be my sun you'd be my light..I wish, sometimes....."

Lost friends...

Please god let me at least get my ring and puppydawg back...probably won't. That box if it exists is last on the list of everything


Doubt I wanna go back to Va ever bleh

Comin Home

You told me
Life is a risk
I just have one last question....

I'd Tell The Violin

For you I’d write a symphony 

I’d tell the violin It’s time to sink or swim 

Watch him play for ya

For you I'd be 

Runnin a thousand miles 

Just get you where you are

 Step to the beat of my heart.