Sherlock Holmes

I've done a lot of thinking, and I keep coming to the same conclusion.

Jazzy Belle

Oh yes I love her like Egyptian, want a description, my royal highness
So many plusses when I bust that there can’t be no minus
Went from yellin crickets and crows, bitches and hoes to queen thangs
Over the years I been up on my toes and yes I seen thangs
like Kilroy, chill boi because them folks might think you soft
talkin like that, man fuck them niggaz I’m goin off
and comin right back, like boomerangs when you throw em
With these old ghetto poems, Thinkin' it's better for em
When they can let they thumb, down from hitchikin, invitin' niggaz
they get the feelin to, I’m willin to go the extra kilo-meter
just to see my senorita get her pillow on the side of my bed where no girl ever stay
House and doctor was the games we used to play but now it’s real Jazzy Belle...

Notice

I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming
and you'd want to call me..
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...

For you to notice



Dashboard Confessional

Clean Breaks

I was lying when I said...
"I believe,
in clean breaks"

Taking Back Sunday

I was there when you were lonely
I was there when you were bored
I was there when you were feeling scared
And you were not sure what for

I was there when you found out
That you were madder than hell
You were scared, I was scared

'Cause You Got Me
If You Want Me
Oh, You Got Me
Its Not Where I Should Be

I was there when you were worried
I was there when you were sick
I was there when you were positive
As was that happening?

Return to sender

Would you remember me?
Cause I'm stuck in the middle
Between return-to-sender and get-up-and-go

If chasing our dreams is just a distraction;

"We've got to get better."
I said, "It's all in your head."
We could live through these letters
Or forget it all together.
See the months they don't matter.
It's the days I can't take
When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away.

Just ask the question.
Come untie the knot.
Say you won't care,
say you won't care.
Retrace the steps
As if we forgot.
Say you won't care,
Say you won't care.
We try to avoid it,
But there's not a doubt,
And there's one thing I can do nothing about.

Well all that we need is just a reaction,
It's too much to ask for when there's no attraction anymore
If chasing our dreams is just a distraction,
I want to remember when I know that I can't go back.

A Hundred Billion Castaways

Just a castaway
An island lost at sea
Another lonely day
With no one here but me
More loneliness
Than any man could bear
Rescue me before I fall into despair
A year has passed since I wrote my note
But I should have known this right from the start
Only hope can keep me together
Walked out this morning
Don't believe what I saw
A hundred billion bottles
Washed up on the shore
Seems I'm not alone at being alone
A hundred billion castaways
Looking for a home...

With doses of time

Shall we call it quits or just wait?
It's not a lie If you believe it
Even, even if my last name rhymes with your rescue of hear say
Do not say you know
It's no mistake if its repeated
Call me out
It's not a lie..it's such a lie
But I don't need to hear it from you

It gets easier with doses of time

Hold Your Breath

There’s just a few things
I think that you should know
Those words at best
Were worse than teenage poetry
Fragment ideas
And too many pronouns
Stop it, come on
You’re not making sense now
You can’t make them want you
They’re all just laughing

Literate and stylish
Kissable and quiet
Well that’s what girls dreams are made of
And that’s all you need to know
You have it or you don’t
You have it or you

You have it you know
You see how much time you’re wastin?
You’re coward of seperatin

Stop it, come on
You know I can’t help it
I got the mic
And you got the mosh pit
What will it take
To make you admit that you were wrong?
Was his demise so carefully constructed?
Well let’s just say I got what I wanted
Cause in the end it’s always the same

Literate and stylish
Kissable and quiet
Well that’s what girls dreams are made of
And that’s all you need to know
You have it or you don’t

This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue
And my eye through the scope
Down the barrel of a gun
Remind me not to ever act this way again
This is you trying hard to
Make sure that you’re seen
With a girl on your arm
And your heart on your sleeve
Remind me not to ever think of you again
This is me with the words
On the tip of my tongue
And my eye through the scope
Down the barrel of a gun
Remind me not to ever act this way again

This is me with the words
On the tip of my tongue
And my eye on the scope
Down the barrel of a gun
I’ll never act this way again

Rest the weight
You’ve had your chance and folded
So hold your breath
Because you’ll only make things worse
Rest the weight
You’ve had your chance and folded
So hold your breath

I know somethin that you don’t know
This is me with the words
And you sure don’t
Hold your, hold your breath
Because you’ll only make things worse

Remedy To Your Poison

If you got the poison...


I got the remedyyy

Just A Shot In The Dark

Lyin' here with you so close to me
It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe
Caught up in this moment
Caught up in your smile

I've never opened up to anyone
So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms
We don't need to rush this
Let's just take it slow

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
No I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

I know that if we give this a little time
It'll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
It's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
And I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

No I don't want to say goodnight
I know it's time to leave, but you'll be in my dreams

Treasure Island

A dreamer in search of treasure who only found bottle caps...

Flowers

Bring me flowers, talk for hours I think I like you.....

Stop breathing

they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time

Last tree

Only when the last tree has been cut down and the last river has dried up will man realise that reciting red indian proverbs makes you sound like a fucking muppet

In a land far far away....

Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a great and glorious nation. Favourite amongst his subjects was the court painter of whom he was very proud. Everybody agreed this wizzened old man pianted the greatest pictures in the whole kingdom and the king would spend hours each day gazing at them in wonder. However, one day a dirty and dishevelled stranger presented himself at the court claiming that in fact he was the greatest painter in the land. The indignant king decreed a competition would be held between the two artists, confident it would teach the vagabond an embarrassing lesson. Within a month they were both to produce a masterpiece that would out do the other. After thirty days of working feverishly day and night, both artists were ready. They placed their paintings, each hidden by a cloth, on easels in the great hall of the castle. As a large crowd gathered, the king ordered the cloth be pulled first from the court artist’s easel. Everyone gasped as before them was revealed a wonderful oil painting of a table set with a feast. At its centre was an ornate bowl full of exotic fruits glistening moistly in the dawn light. As the crowd gazed admiringly, a sparrow perched high up on the rafters of the hall swooped down and hungrily tried to snatch one of the grapes from the painted bowl only to hit the canvas and fall down dead with shock at the feet of the king. ’Aha!’ exclaimed the king. ’My artist has produced a painting so wonderful it has fooled nature herself, surely you must agree that he is the greatest painter who ever lived!’ But the vagabond said nothing and stared solemnly at his feet. ’Now, pull the blanket from your painting and let us see what you have for us,’ cried the king. But the tramp remained motionless and said nothing. Growing impatient, the king stepped forward and reached out to grab the blanket only to freeze in horror at the last moment. ’You see,’ said the tramp quietly, ’there is no blanket covering the painting. This is actually just a painting of a cloth covering a painting. And whereas your famous artist is content to fool nature, I’ve made the king of the whole country look like a clueless little twat.”

-Banksy

You Say The Most When You Say Nothing At all

I never fully believed you when you said youd always be here.









Why must pretty words turn into such ugly lies?



As time goes on, you’ll understand. What lasts, lasts; what doesn’t, doesn’t. Time solves most things. And what time can’t solve, you have to solve yourself.”
Haruki Murakami

Sweet time...

You can get past it, but you'll never get over it. Even with all the time in the world.

Washing You Out Of My Hair

He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past two in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days

Leaning now into the breeze remembering Sunday
He falls to his knees, they had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs

Now this place seems familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs
Left him dying to get in

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me

And even though she doesn't believe in love
He's determined to call her bluff
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut

Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces
He pleads though he tries
But he's only denied
Now he's dying to get inside

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me

There's a neighbor said, she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense

Oh, I can see now
That all of these clouds are following me
In my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever, wherever she may be

I'm not coming back, I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak but you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt
Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair

And out of my mind, keeping an eye on the world
So many thousands of feet off the ground
I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds
Towering over your head

Well I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home....

A Letter To You, Human

Dear Human,

If I am leaving you this message, it is because at some point or another you have made a difference in my life. Something you have posted, picture or otherwise, has helped me get one step towards my goal in becoming who I want to be. It has helped me cheer up when I was feeling blue. It has made me realize that I can love myself. I can only hope that somehow, I secretly have done the same for you, too. My goal is to eliminate self-hate as much as I possibly can, whether I am lurking in the backgrounds or outright speaking. My goal is to make sure that you don’t beat yourself down, just so others can beat you down, too. Right now, my voice is subliminal, because I need you. 

I need you to know some very important things: 

That you are not alone. The struggles you are facing, someone else in this world has faced them, too. And you need not be ashamed of ANY trouble you are facing. Because if you are ashamed, you cannot fight.

That you are a gorgeous person. Male or female, your heart is there beating inside of your chest for a chance to do the right thing. For a chance to love yourself, and be loved in return. For a chance to let yourself love other people to the best of your ability. On the outside, male or female, we have eyes, ears, noses… Actually, you know what? Some of us DON’T. Some of us have been burned to extremities that we are no longer noticable, we were blown away in a war, or maybe at birth we were born with deformalities. I am here to let you know that I would kiss the cheek of any person just the same, without fear, without cringing. I would look them, you, everyone, straight in their eyes and tell them that they are a gorgeous person. Not just on the inside, but out. 

I need you to tell yourself today, just for today; maybe just for 20 minutes. Tell yourself and know that you are beautiful. Just for today, don’t criticize yourself so harshly. Just for this one day, out of the 365 days in a year that we have, do not punish yourself. Because I don’t want any one else punishing you. Just for today, know that today, it’s alright. Because we are breathing. And even if he doesn’t like you or feel the same way, even if your parents hit you with words or otherwise, even if your in the same pattern of every day life and it’s getting boring, just know… you are breathing for a reason. Even if that reason is you’re helping me get through my struggles.

Thank you for everything you have done for me. Maybe one day, my messages won’t be subliminal. Know these things today.

With every goodbye

“After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead, with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, you really are strong, you really do have worth, and you learn and you learn. With every goodbye, you learn.”
-Veronica Shoffstal

Who can say?

…but who can say what’s best? That’s why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives

Wear your heart on your sleeve;

There comes a time when you’re so absolutely, irrevocably consumed by everything occurring around you. How can we see the light at the end of the tunnel if we’ve not yet recognized the tunnel we alone have built? And not just current events, but the epic whirlpool of past & future: feelings, circumstances and decisions already made & long passed; and possible, potential decisions, failures, triumphs which may or may not ever occur. And where do we go when all of this seems just too frightening? To what cave do we crawl to shut our tiny eyes against the maelstrom – pulling over ourselves the familiar cloak of mildly consoling distraction against the storm of fear. Often we seek familiar patterns of escapism to avoid reminding ourselves we’ve given in to fear once more. Because that’s all it boils down to, right? Fear, or love. Every thought, word, deed, emotion, once stripped of all the complication, essentially stems from either Love or Fear. And so we have a choice, as always. That choice is our only true freedom. The choice to fear, to retreat, to allow ourselves to be pulled down that egoic whirlpool – the chorus of voices in our minds, echoing how small you are; how useless, telling you you’ve already failed at The Real Thing, and who do you think you are for even trying?

Or, we can be bold. We can surrender to Love only.

We can realise those voices are not us. In this single, precious, fleeting moment – the space between breaths, this quiet awareness – there is only Love, really. Choose instead to be brave. Choose to be right here. Choose the kindest action, the kindest word. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Regardless of what’s happened before, or what you fear may happen at some unknown point in time. Above all else, let the love consume you. Let it creep into the darkest corners of yourself; let it flow through you into everything you do.

And know that you, little one, are loved.

an email

i miss you in the muteness of snowy winter mornings. i miss you in the absence of space between words that are spilled out of blitzed mouths, brains. i miss you here, on my chest and here, on my fingertips. i miss you in the hollow of my/our bones,the ones that resonate sadness, and silence.
i miss you in silence. you’re always always always in my life. you’re my constant.  i picture you smiling with old friends, with new friends, i picture you having your heart beating on someone else’s hands. i picture you crying, not being able to cry, digging into your skin,  i try to send you cosmic thoughts: be kind to yourself, be kind to yoursef… and then i realize what a creep i am for thinking all of these thoughts. and then i realize that it’s love.

Between

the end has no end & nothing ever began. there was no shot heard ‘round the world & there will be no whisper, no shout. there is this second, now, this one. there are lips touching lips & hips touching hips. there is your chest expanding & contracting- the beat of your heart. there is the sound of the television off in the distance & the sound of a city at rest. breathe deep; exist in between the pages, the seconds, the sound waves.

Chrysalis.

when i get into bed at night, i literally crawl
knees up on the bed, arms splayed, searching for the best spot to flop down
i scrunch myself into a ball, keeping myself warm
rock a little bit to find the mattress’ sweet spot
experiement with arm under the pillow; arm out in front of me, side-sleeper all the way
accomodating for my teddy bear – at 30, i am fully aware of the issues that suggests
but i own them, my need for soothing, for familiarity, for something to always be exactly where i need it.
a little fidgety, i find it calming to make circles with my toes, feeling the sheets slip and give at each complete rotation
i lull myself into a rhythm of stillness, a wiggle here, a readjustment there, until i’m motionless
except for breathing
and at each exhale, i bring the blankets a smidge further up
over my shoulder, into the crook of my neck, a tiny bit on my chin, further up around the back of my head
until all that is left
exposed is my nose
in a cocoon, like a mummy
undead in my bed
on a good night, i don’t move at all, and wake up pleasantly suprised to find myself still wrapped up tight
but sometimes
sometimes the sheets don’t align with my thoughts
i toss and i turn and i flip and i sigh
convinced i have bedbugs, or fleas from my cat
and neurosis kicks in, and my eyelids, at half mast, search out my pile of clean sheets and pillowcases
so i drag myself from my warm spot, strip the bed mercilessly, make a pile of my anxiety in the hamper
and stretch a new beginning across the queen-size span
using clips to keep fitted corners tight, hospital edges on top like my mom taught me,
military-precision on how much hangs over each edge, flat sheet, blanket, comforter and duvet cover
tucked tightly between bed and wall, so that i can’t wrestle them uneven in my sleep
satisfied, i throw myself, with the enthusiasm of a 3-year-old’s temper tantrum, back into bed
start all over again and wake up like a caterpillar in a chrysalis
happy to emerge like a butterfly from my room
the best part of my day is night.